Subtle Isolation Approach

Isolating a woman from her family and friends is essential for a batterer if he wants to brainwash her. If she has very limited contact with outsiders than they cannot educate her that the things going on in her relationship are unhealthy. Batterers fear that their victims will leave them so it is best if they monitor her dealings with friends and family.

Isolating a woman usually start as a subtle process. My ex-boyfriend remembered everything I told him. So if I wanted to speak to a friend that I had some disagreement with in the past, he would bring up that issue. He would dwell on it and say that I let people walk all over me. He would talk badly about that friend. After awhile, I would put off talking to her until a later date, because it would usually tigger negative feelings that I didn't want my friend to be aware that I was having towards her.

Another subtle way he would keep me from hanging out with friends, would be to plan a romantic evening the same day I had already schedule something with a friend. His excuse was that he had forgotten and that I couldn't choose my friends over him. Another technique was to 'threaten' to hang out with his negative friends if I went to hang out with my friends or family. He had a drinking problem and there were certain friends and family members that he had that he would pressure him to drink and get high. He said if anything 'bad' were to happen to him it would be my fault for abandoning him.