Finding the courage to end the relationship

With all the mental and psychological abuse in the relationship, I found it difficult to leave. I felt guilty that I was breaking up our family and didn't want my children to grow up in a broken home. I felt like I lost faith that he could change and would change.

I asked him to leave on several occasions, but of course he refused. He gave him false promises that he would change, he gave me excuses for his intense jealously blaming it on his 'sickness', he pleaded that he had no where else to live, he cried about how much he loved me and the children, he became angry yelling that I couldn't kick him out of his home. He gave me tons of reasons and emotions about why he would not leave. Being that the apartment was leased under my name, I paid all the bills and utilities and all the furniture was mine; I didn't think it was fair that I should have to go. Well the tension and stress became so very overwhelming that I decided I would leave it all just to get away from him. He would watch me like a hawk and would talk me out of leaving.

It was a difficult decision for me to get the police involved, because at that point I felt like I was trading against him. He didn't beat me up or break any bones; but I was still battered and barely holding on to my sanity. I couldn't take one more day of the verbal abuse or one more night of having to be intimate with him. I needed my body, my mind and my spirit back. Thank God he was on parole and had a parole violation; or when the police came they would have little to hold him with. Many women are not that lucky and if they have their batterer arrested he may be back at home the next day. My situation gave me a few months to escape. I was able to move before he was out of jail.

I do not think anyone can understand the torment a DV victim endures. The closest thing I could compare it with is slavery, or what I have read about the mental, financial, sexual and physical abuse that slaves had to endure. When you hear the stories of how some woman have to escape their situations, it reminds me of stories I read about the underground railroad. In this country we have the right to be free, yet many women only dream of freedom. Some have lost hope and do not think it will ever come to them while they are still on this earth. It saddens me to think of this. I am so glad and proud that I found the courage to call the police and tell them the truth about what was going on in our home.