The day I was forced out of my career

Constantly, he made references to my educational and employment backgrounds and told me why his street smarts made him better than me. He looked down on Black people who worked a 9 to 5, he thought they were sell outs, Uncle Toms, house niggers. He thought I was a sell out for working an office job. I lost my job when I was with him because he would harrass me constanly. He felt that Black women only were hired by white men to perform sexual acts behind closed office doors. He wanted me home, since I would not leave my job, he forced his decison on me.

The day he made my last on the job, he followed me all the way to work. He watched me on the train, watched me walked down the street, waited for the elevator in the lobby standing off to the side eyeing me, followed me onto the elevator, all the way up stairs, but he could not enter on my floor because you needed a key pass to get through revolving door. I went through and left him standing there thinking I was safe. He called my cell phone over twenty times in a 15 minute time span. Since I refused to answer my phone, he went upstairs to the reception area and used his charm to get the okay to enter the premises. They were not suppose to do that. Guests have to be approved by the company they are visting and escorted to the office by an employee.

He came down stairs to my office. I was scared and did not want my supervisors to see him. He told me I better leave and leave now because I couldn't work there anymore. If I didn't leave than I would get "it" when I got home. I had no idea what "it" was because at that point in our relationship the only physical abuse I experienced was pushing, pinching and tight squeezing with what appeared to be a hug. I just knew he was really really angry and I did not want to anger him further. If I stayed at work there was no telling what would happen when I got home later that evening.

I alerted my supervisor that my boyfriend had made it onto the premises and was threatening to hurt me. I let them know I was very scared and couldn't stay. By this point my boyfriend had left the floor. My supervisor was able to sneak me out of the building on the freight elevator. After I was out of the building I didn't know where to go. Only one of my friends at the time was unemployed and would be home, so I called her. She knew my boyfriend and first hand witness his mood changes. She knew how to calm hin down. I went to her house she called him and was able to reason with him. It worked. He convinced me that he would not hurt me when I got home.

When I got home he asked me if I had learned my lesson. He said he had to teach because I was getting too smart at the mouth. That morning when I woke up for work and he questioned what I was wearing to the office and accused me of sleeping with white men at work...I cursed him out. I told him he was a leech, a bum and he was not my pimp. I told him that it did not make sense that I had to work through my whole pregnancy, while he did not do anything but spend my money. I told him that he should be happy that I let him live in my house, use my utilities and all my stuff. He jumped up in my face very angry and said, "since you are talking all that crap, you are not going to work at that job anymore." I said, "That is what you think," and left the apartment. He had to fix me for challenging him and being so defiant. If I keep my mouth shut and just ate my words he probably would have let me stay on the job longer.

I probably could have tried to go back to the work, but I was too embarassed and ashamed. The whole office knew about the incident. I was only one of a few black people in the building and always felt pressure to dismantle negative sterotypes about Black people. I worked extra hard, was very professional, keep my private life private and impressed my supervisors with my work. Now thanks to him, I looked like a fool. I just could not go back. In the days and weeks that followed, I convinced myself that I did not like that job and him forcing me out was a good thing. The truth was I loved that job. He knew that year the office was going to send me to Peru, Brazil and Las Vegas (for the Magic trade show). There was no way he would allow me to advance in my career or travel or to work around men. I often wonder where I would be in my career if I never was in a relationship with him.

Within a matter of weeks, I was broke, trying to get on public assistance and depressed. My son was born six weeks early, only two weeks after the work incident. I don't think my body could handle the stress that I was under.