Hindsight is 20 20

I was reading through some of my old journals and was surprised that in the beginning of my relationship with him, I keep saying that I felt that something was wrong. In one journal entry I wrote that I was having trouble sleeping at night and my nerves were really bad. I wrote that I thought I was just parnoid about the relationship.

This is part of an entry that I would like to share:

It is very amusing how men will tell you the ways they mistreat their own family and friends, and than they tell you that they will never treat you that way, because they love you. I'm tired of being so gullible. I have 4 weeks to decide if I am going to go through with this pregnancy.

The truth is I don't want to be a single mother, but I don't want to stay in a bad relationship just to have the facade of having the support of a man. Whether I stay with him or not, I am still going to be a single mother because all the burden will fall on me. He told me last night that me and the baby are his family - the most important things in his life.

He keeps putting me on the back burner. I deserve so much more. That is why after crying a very painful cry - I decided to leave him. If I am going to do it, I am going to have to do it alone. There is no such thing as avoiding pain, you can try to postpone it, but that will just make it more painful than dealing with the pain when things first occured. Last night was so hard, I laid in my bed sobbing, a painful lonely cry.