Saturday, January 3, 2009

2008 Behind- Looking Ahead

2008 was a year of freedom for me. I had an encounter with my batterer, but my spirit was different. Even in my fear, my fear was different. My strength was in a higher power. I now know, what I wish I knew years before...I am powerful!

Please watch this video to understand one woman's experience, because it is so similiar to the experience many woman have experienced, are experiencing or may experience in the future:

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I am a superwoman, yes I am…

My story does not have to be one of strength to any one other than myself. I am a living testament that God makes a way. Some days I feel so overburdened, but than I have to look at the battles I have fought and won and I am overcome with so much pride. I know that my life is not perfect, but it will never be. My life is great. I have two beautiful children, I am a student and I always try to do my best. I left an abusive relationship without a real plan and have survived. I am a survivor. I am a superwoman.

Every woman has this strength inside. The world and people may try to tell you that you are not enough or that you cannot achieve the impossible; I want to tell you with faith in God all things are possible. Just please do not give up. Putting your trust in other people may lead to disappointment, but God will never fail you because he always makes a way. It may not be the road you wanted to take, however, he always leads you the way you need to go. I received an email this morning that said,” God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.” I believe this to be true.

You are being molded; not broken by your obstacles. It may not feel like it right now. One day it will all make sense. When you are having one of the bad moments when you are beating yourself up or thinking you’re a failure; just close your eyes and remember everything that makes you great. Your smile, your sense of humor, your compassion, your love, your strength…

Just watch this video if you need to be reminded

Monday, November 10, 2008

Have a support network

Domestic violence victims and survivors need a support network. It is very difficult handling all the stress by yourself. Sometimes friends and family do not know how to deal with the situation so they will just distance themself from you. This does not mean they do not care; most times it is just miscommunication. It is important not know when and how to ask for help when needed. Remember everyone needs someone some of the time.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Sons that miss their abusive fathers

When leaving an abusive relationship is it ever safe to go back? Are the children safe to have a relationship with the abusive parent? The reason why I ask is because my son misses is father. Lately, he has been misbehaving and regressing. Will seeing his father or allowing them to speak daily help? Will it worsen the situation? It is so hard to say.

How vital is the father's role in a young boy's life?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The lies he told

The way he described how he ex-girlfriend treated him, when we first started to date, made me feel sorry for him. How could he endure such abuse? He said she constantly cheated on him throughout their seven year relationship. She never held a job. She forced him to sell drugs to support them. She lied about their son being his and even after she told him the truth he was such a great man he decided to still raise the little boy as his own son. He made her seem like a devil and he was the poor victim. I felt I had to prove to him that not all women were like her. It was my duty to restore his hope in women.

When he would accuse me of cheating, my first thought was he was having flashbacks about his ex-girlfriend. I didn't get too upset with it because I blamed for making him that way.

Imagine my shock when years later he confessed that he made all those things up about her. His reasoning, "I was just mad at her." So why all of a sudden was he not mad at her anymore? Why did he decide to confess the truth? Was he sleeping with her again? And if he lied about her, I could just imagine what kind of lies he told people about me.

He has on several occasions told me that people in his family did not like me. I couldn't understand why they did not, when I supported him financially and was loyal to him even through all the madness. I guess they didn't like me because of the stories he lied and told them about me. I guess he had to make up a good story about why I put him in jail - twice.

He also told me in the beginning of our relationship that he would never put his hands on a female. He told me never did it in the past and would never do it in the future. I found out later that both of those were also lies. His ex-girlfriend that he talked so badly about he cheated on her constantly through their relationship. When he suspected that she seek revenge on him, he choked her and hit her to teach her a lesson. She called the cops and he was arrested. But he convinced her to drop the charges. When did I find this out? After he hit me and I called the cops on him. He told me, "The cops will lie and try and tell you that you can't drop the charges and you may go to jail for filing a false police report. Don't worry it is not true. They tried to do the same thing with my ex when she had initially brought charges on me. But she didn't show up to court and the case got dismissed." I was shocked about this confession, but even more about how proud he was about being able to get over on the legal system.

As the months and years passed, (remember I dealt with him for about four years), the layers of lies unfolded. I learned that my son was not his first born son. He had two other sons he never told me about, including his ex's child that he claimed he raised even though he wasn't really his. The truth is that he had no idea where they were because she ran off with his child. (She went into hiding!) If I had known this in the beginning I would have never ever been in a relationship with him.

You cannot always tell when a man is lying, but you have to listen to what it is that he says. If he talks about an ex-partner in a demeaning disrespectful way, that is a very strong warning that you should heed. Most likely he will talk about you in the same manner if you ever become his ex-girlfriend. Also, you have to ask yourself how and why he would he talk so badly about a person who he used to love.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Jennifer Hudson Tragedy

I am very sadden and heart broken today after learning that the nephew of Jennifer Hudson was found dead. The media called the shoting death of Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother, and now the death of her nephew a domestic disturbance.

Excuse me, but to me a domestic disturbance is when the neighbors play their music too loudly at night. This was more than just a disturbance it is a tragedy. When will the media start to really alert the public about the effects and warnings about Domestic Violence? How many people will have to die? How many children?

I cannot imagine the grief Jennifer Hudson must feel for her lost. As a mom the thought of losing a child, is unimaginable. I could not hold back the tears as I heard the story just a short while ago. A precious seven year old died at the hands of his stepfather, why? There is nothing that will bring back these lives. Should we all fear that if we upset our partner that the revenge could be the death of our family members? Why aren't these murderers executed?

We need stricter penalties. I don't have all the answers. Right now I seem to have more questions than anything else. All I know is that change must come and quickly.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Everyone has experiences, adversities and self-doubt. Everyone enjoys to feel loved, wanted and needed. Relationships can be very challenging. However, being challenging and being abusive are not the same thing. No person deserves to be victimized. Whether you are the abuser or the victim; or a witness to someone else's pain, I hope that you will seek help. Learning and growing from experience is best.