It is like a story book romance. You meet a man, maybe resist, yet he still pursues you. He just won't give up. Eventually, you give in. He's not like the other man you have met. He really seems to be into you. You give him your number and he calls. He calls often and is really sweet. He listens to everything you say and is romantic. Everyone meets him talk about how charming he is. You often hear, "You are so lucky to have met him."
The relationships progresses quickly. The next thing you know you are engaged, married and with child. He wants you to stay at home and raise the baby. You have a home and a loving, caring, supportive husband...so what is wrong? It starts with his temper. Okay, he just really passionate and occasionally loses his cool. No big deal though, you just have to get better at not making him angry. Right?
You realize as long as you do what he wants, when and how he wants it the relationships is cool. That is not a bad exchange to have your prince charming, right? Now you are dependent on him because you do not have an income of your own. You have to ask for everything little thing. You feel more like a child than a spouse. If he's upset, you will get punished. The things is that usually after he has one of his 'fits', 'tantrums', 'emotional eposides' or watever you like to call it, he makes up by being really romantic.
He is also jealous. He checks the phone bill to scan all the incoming and outgoing calls. He checks your emails. He goes through your mail. He checks your wallet, goes through your belongings and always checking up on you. He doesn't want you dressing in certain outfits anymore. He may not just come out and tell you not to wear dresses anymore. He may volunteer to do the laundry and accidently bleach your clothes. He may take you on a wonderful shopping spree and suggest what you need to wear.
The point of this, is that Domestic Abuse, is not the typical stereotype of a man that physically assaults his spouse. It usually starts with physicological means such as being controlling. To the outside world your relationship may look like a fairy tale, but behind closed door you may be living a nightmare.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
This is quite close to my situation. I wonder if I am just being oversensitive. We dated six months before we got married. He joined the military and after he finished basic training I joined him. We moved across the country several months later. There were times when he told me I was fat, when we argued he was loud and would follow me or force his way into a room, the worst was when he held me up, hand wrapped around my neck. Then he spent time trying to learn how to communicate better. Arguments were still unpleasant, he told me once, "I know you and I know what will hurt you, that is why I say what I do" but we were growing as a couple. He went overseas and when he came back our relationship was closer than ever. Then he went to the middle east for three years. He put me on a budget (because i cannot save money) I got very involved with volunteer work and he got angry because I was not always home to answer the phone. He moved me back to our hometown. Whenever he was short on money it was my fault. We did not save enough money it was my fault. Then I made a life in our hometown and I was busy and having fun and he got angry because I did not talk to him enough. I went through two years that were more challenging than I could have imagined. My father passed away, my husband was half a world away, my kids getting older and having different needs, and I had two major abdominal surgeries in 4 months. I told him I was sorry, I knew I was not the best mom or wife or daughter or anything, but I was doing the best I could do. He was angry because I did not send him enough mail. I did not answer the phone. When He came back home, I knew it would be a challenge. People cannot live apart that long and just walk back into the same life they left behind. When he returned he was closed off, kinda hot and cold. When he was angry he was terribly mean. We began to co-exist. I felt like he needed to get over whatever he had been through and if I gave him time he would settle back in. I got a job for the first time since we got married. He got mad about money stuff and told me I could not use his money and took my atm card. I told him that was fine, he could never blame me again for money stuff. If I worked late he said I was not putting my family first (and by late I mean ten or fifteen minutes) If I did not answer my phone he yelled at me for being careless and irresponsible. Then he got angry with me and i was angry with him, I poked him in the chest and BAM! He threw me over the back of a chair, then grabbed me and threw me onto the floor while yelling if you fucking touch me like that again I will fucking kill you. I told him to get out. He told me I had to leave so i told the kids to pack up and he came into their rooms and was calm as could be and said he would leave. In the days that followed, he was understanding and patient, then he would say something like "we will just get divorced, sell the house and all of the stuff and I will live in a halfway house" then back to calm. He had places to go, but at midnight the second night after I told him to leave he called and asked if he could come home because he had no place to go. I nearly said he could but I stopped myself. I asked him why he could not go to his parents? Would they not let him stay? he said it was too late. He said he would sleep in the car. I told him that was his choice. I need to add that he has times when he is the most kind, generous, loving man. He knows how to be kind and he is so fantastic when people are around us. It seems to me he knows how to make sure people think he is fantastic. He is still not staying here. He met with a therapist today and he told me the guy said he was too intense and has trouble dealing with change. I suddenly started doubting myself more than ever. Am I doing the right thing for me and my kids? If anyone has advice or suggestions, please let me know (143jjm@gmail.com). Thanks
Pretty nice information. it has a better understanding. thanks for spending time on it.
Teachers Day Poems
happy new year 2017
http://www.inspirationallovequotesimages.com/
http://www.inspirationallovequotesimages.com/2015/05/top-20-happy-birthday-messages-wishes.html
Christmas Card Messages
i love you quotes for her
happy remembrance day 2016
Post a Comment